i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
