you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
