she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
