Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
