Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Randomize
