Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
