When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
