Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
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I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.