2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.