this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?