I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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