mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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