You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
