Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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