3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
