I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
