He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
