He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
