I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
