I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
