You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
