he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
