you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
