After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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