Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
