You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
