Christians are straight up FREAKS
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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