i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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