theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
