if i died would you start the facebook group?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we're so committed to being not committed
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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