so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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