we're chasing vodka with high fives
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I could make wine with my vomit
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
