im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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