if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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