Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
