This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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