There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
