so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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