His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
