I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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