so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
