let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
