I think i peed on brittanys purse
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
