called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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