I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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