yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
