Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
