Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
