He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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