ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
