As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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