i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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