How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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