i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
