i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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