no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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