i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize