just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
