You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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