I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
