the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize