did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
