Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You are the jesus of drinking
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
