i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
